You show me the path of life. In your presence there is fullness and joy; in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Now you've got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. Ever since you took my hand, I'm on the right way.
This recovery journey is not a straight path; it goes back and forth and up and down. Some days it's hard for me to believe that God is with me. That's a day to take a walk and repeat what I want to believe, the words of this psalm. When I don't have the energy to examine the lies I'm thinking and replace those lies with facts, I just recite something faithful over and over. Maybe all I have the energy for is "Lord Jesus," or "He lifts my head." The important thing is to stop dwelling on the lies of depression by dwelling on God and his love for you.
Lord, my brain can so easily get stuck thinking the lies of depression. Cleanse my mind of those lies and replace them with the fullness and joy of your presence. Help me to feel you take me hand. Amen.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Psalm 15:1
O Lord, who may abide in your tent? Who may dwell on your holy hill?
God, who gets invited to dinner at your place? How do we get on your guest list?
The rest of this psalm is a list in answer to these questions. Only a perfect person could live up to this list. My talk therapist is against the word "should," and suggests that I expect perfection from myself. Perfectionism is another lie of depression. You do not need to be perfect to live with joy. You know it's not even possible, but are you still expecting it of yourself? Are you punishing yourself by dwelling on what you should have done or worrying about what you should be doing? God is inviting you to dinner at his place; you are forgiven for your imperfections and loved for being his unique creation.
Lord, I expect perfection from myself; I see life as a series of rewards and punishments. Lead me to accepting and appreciating myself as you do: your unique creation. Amen.
God, who gets invited to dinner at your place? How do we get on your guest list?
The rest of this psalm is a list in answer to these questions. Only a perfect person could live up to this list. My talk therapist is against the word "should," and suggests that I expect perfection from myself. Perfectionism is another lie of depression. You do not need to be perfect to live with joy. You know it's not even possible, but are you still expecting it of yourself? Are you punishing yourself by dwelling on what you should have done or worrying about what you should be doing? God is inviting you to dinner at his place; you are forgiven for your imperfections and loved for being his unique creation.
Lord, I expect perfection from myself; I see life as a series of rewards and punishments. Lead me to accepting and appreciating myself as you do: your unique creation. Amen.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Psalm 14:7
O that deliverance for Israel would come from Zion! When the Lord restores the fortunes of his people, Jacob will rejoice; Israel will be glad.
Is there anyone around to save Israel? Yes. God is around; God turns life around. Turned-around Jacob skips rope, turned-around Israel sings laughter.
When I get a throat infection, I get an antibiotic and I can predict when I'll feel better. The worst infection I've ever had kept me home from work for 5 days; most of my bouts have been shorter. Depression does not work like this. You may be recovering quickly or slowly, or maybe you're still searching for the best treatment. Cling to God and trust in God. Yes, even if your depression lingers. Even if you're frustrated in the recovery. Your deliverance is from God who turns life around.
Lord, help me cling to the words "rejoice" and "be glad" and to remember that they're about me. Help me to see your deliverance in my life, and the ways you are restoring me. Amen.
Is there anyone around to save Israel? Yes. God is around; God turns life around. Turned-around Jacob skips rope, turned-around Israel sings laughter.
When I get a throat infection, I get an antibiotic and I can predict when I'll feel better. The worst infection I've ever had kept me home from work for 5 days; most of my bouts have been shorter. Depression does not work like this. You may be recovering quickly or slowly, or maybe you're still searching for the best treatment. Cling to God and trust in God. Yes, even if your depression lingers. Even if you're frustrated in the recovery. Your deliverance is from God who turns life around.
Lord, help me cling to the words "rejoice" and "be glad" and to remember that they're about me. Help me to see your deliverance in my life, and the ways you are restoring me. Amen.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Psalm 13:1
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
Long enough, God- you've ignored me long enough. I've looked at the back of your head long enough. Long enough.
I tried to tell myself there is no God. Maybe because of the depression, I rejected that notion in favor of telling myself that God is ignoring me or punishing me. These are lies depression tells, but is that how we believe God works? No, God is with you. Every evening, at the suggestion of my friend, I write down the good things that happened that day. "I walked." "I ate." "I laughed." God has not forgotten you. God is not ignoring you. He is here, shining his face on you through the pain of depression. Write down the good things and thank God for them.
Lord, this disease makes me think everything is hopeless and that you are ignoring me. Lead me to recognize the good parts of each day and thank you for them. Help me fight this disease with thoughts of gratitude. Amen.
Long enough, God- you've ignored me long enough. I've looked at the back of your head long enough. Long enough.
I tried to tell myself there is no God. Maybe because of the depression, I rejected that notion in favor of telling myself that God is ignoring me or punishing me. These are lies depression tells, but is that how we believe God works? No, God is with you. Every evening, at the suggestion of my friend, I write down the good things that happened that day. "I walked." "I ate." "I laughed." God has not forgotten you. God is not ignoring you. He is here, shining his face on you through the pain of depression. Write down the good things and thank God for them.
Lord, this disease makes me think everything is hopeless and that you are ignoring me. Lead me to recognize the good parts of each day and thank you for them. Help me fight this disease with thoughts of gratitude. Amen.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Psalm 12:5
"Because the poor are despoiled, because the needy groan, I will now rise up," says the Lord; "I will place them in the safety for which they long."
Into the hovels of the poor, into the dark streets where the homeless groan, God speaks: "I've had enough; I'm on my way to heal the ache in the heart of the wretched."
Both versions use the word groan. Look at the first version: because you groan, God will place you in safety. It says to reveal your suffering to God and he will respond. I've had to remind myself that I don't know of any cases outside of the Bible where God intervened personally and directly. As I see it, God intervenes through the people around us. It's important to reveal your suffering to people you trust: a doctor, a therapist, your family, your friends. Let God do his work through these people. If you are alone in your depression, reach out. There is help.
Lord, guide me in reaching out to people for help. Lead me to people who are trustworthy and can place me in the safety I so desperately need. Open my heart to accepting the help you offer through the people around me. Amen.
Into the hovels of the poor, into the dark streets where the homeless groan, God speaks: "I've had enough; I'm on my way to heal the ache in the heart of the wretched."
Both versions use the word groan. Look at the first version: because you groan, God will place you in safety. It says to reveal your suffering to God and he will respond. I've had to remind myself that I don't know of any cases outside of the Bible where God intervened personally and directly. As I see it, God intervenes through the people around us. It's important to reveal your suffering to people you trust: a doctor, a therapist, your family, your friends. Let God do his work through these people. If you are alone in your depression, reach out. There is help.
Lord, guide me in reaching out to people for help. Lead me to people who are trustworthy and can place me in the safety I so desperately need. Open my heart to accepting the help you offer through the people around me. Amen.
Psalm 11:5
The Lord tests the righteous and the wicked, and his soul hates the lover of violence.
He tests the good and bad alike; if anyone cheats, God's outraged.
Sometimes depression feels like a punishment, a deserved punishment. That is one of the lies of depression. Depression is an illness, plain and simple. "[God] tests the good and bad alike," so do not think that this is his judgment. Maybe your depression is telling you, in its black or white way, that you are bad. No! What God creates is good, and that includes you. Have you done some bad things? So have we all. God is still looking at you, his creation, and calling you "good." This disease is not a punishment for being bad. Depression is not a punishment; it's a disease.
Lord, depression is a disease of the body, mind, and spirit. It's so hard to fight thoughts of punishment and blame. Fill my mind with clear and true thoughts, especially that I am as you created me: good. Amen.
He tests the good and bad alike; if anyone cheats, God's outraged.
Sometimes depression feels like a punishment, a deserved punishment. That is one of the lies of depression. Depression is an illness, plain and simple. "[God] tests the good and bad alike," so do not think that this is his judgment. Maybe your depression is telling you, in its black or white way, that you are bad. No! What God creates is good, and that includes you. Have you done some bad things? So have we all. God is still looking at you, his creation, and calling you "good." This disease is not a punishment for being bad. Depression is not a punishment; it's a disease.
Lord, depression is a disease of the body, mind, and spirit. It's so hard to fight thoughts of punishment and blame. Fill my mind with clear and true thoughts, especially that I am as you created me: good. Amen.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Psalm 10:17
O Lord, you will hear the desire of the meek; you will strengthen their heart, you will incline your ear...
The victim's faint pulse picks up; the hearts of the hopeless pump red blood as you put your ear to their lips.
Back to Miriam-Webster, who defines meek as "deficient in spirit and courage." Who is meeker than a person suffering depression? God is listening to you plead for your spirit and courage to be regained. It feels like you never had spirit and courage, but you did. And you still have them: each day you survive depression is a day you show your spirit and courage. Let God work through the professionals, family, and friends helping you right now. Feel God's response to you through their actions. Write down the moments where today you showed your spirit and courage.
Lord, I feel so meek right now. Help me to recognize my spirit and courage still showing through as I recover from depression. Thank you for the people who are helping me right now. Help me see your love for me in their actions. Amen.
The victim's faint pulse picks up; the hearts of the hopeless pump red blood as you put your ear to their lips.
Back to Miriam-Webster, who defines meek as "deficient in spirit and courage." Who is meeker than a person suffering depression? God is listening to you plead for your spirit and courage to be regained. It feels like you never had spirit and courage, but you did. And you still have them: each day you survive depression is a day you show your spirit and courage. Let God work through the professionals, family, and friends helping you right now. Feel God's response to you through their actions. Write down the moments where today you showed your spirit and courage.
Lord, I feel so meek right now. Help me to recognize my spirit and courage still showing through as I recover from depression. Thank you for the people who are helping me right now. Help me see your love for me in their actions. Amen.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Psalm 9:9-10
The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.
God's a safe-house for the battered, a sanctuary during bad times. The moment you arrive, you relax; you're never sorry you knocked.
A stronghold is "a place of security or survival." Depression puts you in survival mode when you think suicidal thoughts, have to make yourself eat, and have to make yourself bathe and brush your teeth. If you are in survival mode right now, so be it. For today, say no to those thoughts, eat, bathe, take a walk, and keep your appointments. Remember that the Lord is helping you survive. Trust God. Put your depression and recovery in his hands. Breathe deeply and let your body relax. By God's grace know that you will survive and feel secure once again.
Lord, I wish there were a place to escape this depression, but it follows me everywhere. Help me to feel the security that you offer, and to relax in your loving presence. Amen.
God's a safe-house for the battered, a sanctuary during bad times. The moment you arrive, you relax; you're never sorry you knocked.
A stronghold is "a place of security or survival." Depression puts you in survival mode when you think suicidal thoughts, have to make yourself eat, and have to make yourself bathe and brush your teeth. If you are in survival mode right now, so be it. For today, say no to those thoughts, eat, bathe, take a walk, and keep your appointments. Remember that the Lord is helping you survive. Trust God. Put your depression and recovery in his hands. Breathe deeply and let your body relax. By God's grace know that you will survive and feel secure once again.
Lord, I wish there were a place to escape this depression, but it follows me everywhere. Help me to feel the security that you offer, and to relax in your loving presence. Amen.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Psalm 8:3-4
When I look at thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars which thou hast established; what is man that thou art mindful of him, and the son of man that thou dost care for him?
I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous, your handmade sky-jewelry, moon and stars mounted in their settings. Then I look at my micro-self and wonder, Why do you bother with us? Why take a second look our way?
I was miserable. I felt like I was worse, not better, since I'd started treatment. I couldn't work and couldn't concentrate. I drove only when I had to get to the psychiatrist or the talk therapist. One evening, I could not avoid driving. As I cautiously drove in the dark, I noticed the moon. It was a barely visible sliver, and so beautiful. That's right, I pulled over to look and I thought it was beautiful. When was the last time you looked at the night sky? Take a look and think of the moon's creator. Remember that he is mindful of you and he cares for you.
Lord, you created me, you are mindful of me, and you care for me. Help me dwell on the moon and stars amid the darkness of depression. Amen.
I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous, your handmade sky-jewelry, moon and stars mounted in their settings. Then I look at my micro-self and wonder, Why do you bother with us? Why take a second look our way?
I was miserable. I felt like I was worse, not better, since I'd started treatment. I couldn't work and couldn't concentrate. I drove only when I had to get to the psychiatrist or the talk therapist. One evening, I could not avoid driving. As I cautiously drove in the dark, I noticed the moon. It was a barely visible sliver, and so beautiful. That's right, I pulled over to look and I thought it was beautiful. When was the last time you looked at the night sky? Take a look and think of the moon's creator. Remember that he is mindful of you and he cares for you.
Lord, you created me, you are mindful of me, and you care for me. Help me dwell on the moon and stars amid the darkness of depression. Amen.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Psalm 7:10
My shield is with God who saves the upright in heart...
God in solemn honor does things right.
Depression doesn't feel like an illness. It feels like something I deserve because of who I am, what I've done, or what I haven't done. Remember the lies in Psalm 4? Depression tells you lies. This verse tells you the truth: God is your shield and, although you may not be upright in your mind right now, you are upright in your heart. Hold on to that. God's love, God's solemn honor, makes you upright in your heart. As much as you are suffering, he is shielding you from being destroyed by depression. He is shielding you so you can recover and be upright in your heart and mind.
Lord, I feel responsible for this depression. I feel I deserve it. Shield me from those thoughts and let me remember that you make me upright in heart. Fill me with the hope of healing for my mind. Amen.
God in solemn honor does things right.
Depression doesn't feel like an illness. It feels like something I deserve because of who I am, what I've done, or what I haven't done. Remember the lies in Psalm 4? Depression tells you lies. This verse tells you the truth: God is your shield and, although you may not be upright in your mind right now, you are upright in your heart. Hold on to that. God's love, God's solemn honor, makes you upright in your heart. As much as you are suffering, he is shielding you from being destroyed by depression. He is shielding you so you can recover and be upright in your heart and mind.
Lord, I feel responsible for this depression. I feel I deserve it. Shield me from those thoughts and let me remember that you make me upright in heart. Fill me with the hope of healing for my mind. Amen.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Psalm 6:3
My soul also is sorely troubled, But thou, O Lord - how long?
Can't you see I'm black and blue, beat up badly in bones and soul? God, how long will it take for you to let up?
I was told the medication would take 4-6 weeks to kick in, if the first one kicks in. Of course, the side effects kick in right away, so part of the question is whether I can tolerate the drug. I am left asking God, "How long?" We know the answer from the doctor. But maybe the fact that medication is not the only answer is a blessing. Seek out a therapist who can help you with the stress and cognitive aspects of depression, walk every day, and look for the blessings in each day. When you go to bed, tell yourself that you are now one day closer to being healed.
Lord, it's discouraging to be told that healing takes time. It feels like this depression will go on forever. Help me to use this time to rest and examine the stress in my life and the assumptions I have made about my worth. Amen.
Can't you see I'm black and blue, beat up badly in bones and soul? God, how long will it take for you to let up?
I was told the medication would take 4-6 weeks to kick in, if the first one kicks in. Of course, the side effects kick in right away, so part of the question is whether I can tolerate the drug. I am left asking God, "How long?" We know the answer from the doctor. But maybe the fact that medication is not the only answer is a blessing. Seek out a therapist who can help you with the stress and cognitive aspects of depression, walk every day, and look for the blessings in each day. When you go to bed, tell yourself that you are now one day closer to being healed.
Lord, it's discouraging to be told that healing takes time. It feels like this depression will go on forever. Help me to use this time to rest and examine the stress in my life and the assumptions I have made about my worth. Amen.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Psalm 5:1
Give ear to my words, O Lord; give heed to me groaning.
Listen, God! Please, pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries?
Lord, I cry out to you and still I suffer. Please listen to my words and my groans. Help me to keep crying out to you. Let me find comfort in knowing that you hear me. Help me recognize the other ways you are comforting me. Amen.
Listen, God! Please, pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries?
Lord, I cry out to you and still I suffer. Please listen to my words and my groans. Help me to keep crying out to you. Let me find comfort in knowing that you hear me. Help me recognize the other ways you are comforting me. Amen.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Psalm 4:2
O men, how long shall my honor suffer shame? How long will you love vain words, and seek after lies?
You rabble - how long do I put up with your scorn? How long will you lust after lies? How long will you live crazed by illusion?
Lord, my shame and my thoughts feel so true. Give me the strength to recognize the shame and the thoughts for what they are: lies and illusion. Fill me with thoughts that are true and the peace of knowing that my disease can be healed. Amen.
You rabble - how long do I put up with your scorn? How long will you lust after lies? How long will you live crazed by illusion?
Lord, my shame and my thoughts feel so true. Give me the strength to recognize the shame and the thoughts for what they are: lies and illusion. Fill me with thoughts that are true and the peace of knowing that my disease can be healed. Amen.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Psalm 3:3
But thou, O Lord, art a shield about me, my glory and the lifter of my head.
But you, God, shield me on all sides; You ground my feet, you lift my head high.
Depression is lonely. It's hard to feel God shielding you. Depression is a weight. It's hard to lift up your head. Remember this verse as you lie down. Remember this verse each time you get up. God is with you, shielding you and healing you. Every time you lift your head is by God's grace. God's plan is for you to glorify him with your recovery. Go for a walk and keep your body erect and your head up. Take a break from thinking about your depression and dwell on this verse, matching the words to your steps.
Lord, it's so hard to lift my head. My head feels heavy and my mind feels foggy. Help me to hope for the opportunity to glorify you with and for my healing. Lead me out the door to walk and bless my efforts to recover. Amen.
But you, God, shield me on all sides; You ground my feet, you lift my head high.
Depression is lonely. It's hard to feel God shielding you. Depression is a weight. It's hard to lift up your head. Remember this verse as you lie down. Remember this verse each time you get up. God is with you, shielding you and healing you. Every time you lift your head is by God's grace. God's plan is for you to glorify him with your recovery. Go for a walk and keep your body erect and your head up. Take a break from thinking about your depression and dwell on this verse, matching the words to your steps.
Lord, it's so hard to lift my head. My head feels heavy and my mind feels foggy. Help me to hope for the opportunity to glorify you with and for my healing. Lead me out the door to walk and bless my efforts to recover. Amen.
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