He brought me into a broad place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me. The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness;
He stood me up on a wide-open field; I stood there saved - surprised to be loved! God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him.
There it is again: acceptance. In trying to figure out my depression and fight my depression I have to hang onto it. If I accept it, along with the treatment and the side effects of treatment, I can place all the pieces before God. And what happens then? God makes my life complete! Place all the pieces before God: the genetics, the chemicals, the psychology, the past, the present, and the worries about the future. You cannot figure this out, but God can. Not only can he, but he wants to. Why? Because he delights in you. Dwell on that: God delights in you.
Lord, help me accept my limitations and all the pieces of this depression puzzle. In my acceptance, I give you the all pieces knowing you will work this out for my good. Fill my heart with knowing that you delight in me. Amen.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Psalm 17:5
My steps have held fast to your paths; my feet have not slipped.
I'm trying to get your way, your Word's way.
I've been repeatedly told that depression is a disease and it's not my fault, but I keep thinking about where I went wrong and how I ended up here. In my mind, that's the only way to figure out how to fight depression and avoid it in the future. But focusing on where I went wrong keeps me in a state of fear. Maybe it's only by accepting this disease that I can let go of the blame and focus on the recovery. The path I'm on involves medication, talk therapy, and decisions. Trusting, through his Word, that God is with me on this path, I know that even depression can become a reason to glorify God.
Lord, my thoughts can keep me in a state of self-blame and fear. Lead me to acceptance so that I can feel at peace in my decisions. Open my heart to feel you with me on this path. Amen.
I'm trying to get your way, your Word's way.
I've been repeatedly told that depression is a disease and it's not my fault, but I keep thinking about where I went wrong and how I ended up here. In my mind, that's the only way to figure out how to fight depression and avoid it in the future. But focusing on where I went wrong keeps me in a state of fear. Maybe it's only by accepting this disease that I can let go of the blame and focus on the recovery. The path I'm on involves medication, talk therapy, and decisions. Trusting, through his Word, that God is with me on this path, I know that even depression can become a reason to glorify God.
Lord, my thoughts can keep me in a state of self-blame and fear. Lead me to acceptance so that I can feel at peace in my decisions. Open my heart to feel you with me on this path. Amen.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Psalm 16:11
You show me the path of life. In your presence there is fullness and joy; in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Now you've got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. Ever since you took my hand, I'm on the right way.
This recovery journey is not a straight path; it goes back and forth and up and down. Some days it's hard for me to believe that God is with me. That's a day to take a walk and repeat what I want to believe, the words of this psalm. When I don't have the energy to examine the lies I'm thinking and replace those lies with facts, I just recite something faithful over and over. Maybe all I have the energy for is "Lord Jesus," or "He lifts my head." The important thing is to stop dwelling on the lies of depression by dwelling on God and his love for you.
Lord, my brain can so easily get stuck thinking the lies of depression. Cleanse my mind of those lies and replace them with the fullness and joy of your presence. Help me to feel you take me hand. Amen.
Now you've got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. Ever since you took my hand, I'm on the right way.
This recovery journey is not a straight path; it goes back and forth and up and down. Some days it's hard for me to believe that God is with me. That's a day to take a walk and repeat what I want to believe, the words of this psalm. When I don't have the energy to examine the lies I'm thinking and replace those lies with facts, I just recite something faithful over and over. Maybe all I have the energy for is "Lord Jesus," or "He lifts my head." The important thing is to stop dwelling on the lies of depression by dwelling on God and his love for you.
Lord, my brain can so easily get stuck thinking the lies of depression. Cleanse my mind of those lies and replace them with the fullness and joy of your presence. Help me to feel you take me hand. Amen.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Psalm 15:1
O Lord, who may abide in your tent? Who may dwell on your holy hill?
God, who gets invited to dinner at your place? How do we get on your guest list?
The rest of this psalm is a list in answer to these questions. Only a perfect person could live up to this list. My talk therapist is against the word "should," and suggests that I expect perfection from myself. Perfectionism is another lie of depression. You do not need to be perfect to live with joy. You know it's not even possible, but are you still expecting it of yourself? Are you punishing yourself by dwelling on what you should have done or worrying about what you should be doing? God is inviting you to dinner at his place; you are forgiven for your imperfections and loved for being his unique creation.
Lord, I expect perfection from myself; I see life as a series of rewards and punishments. Lead me to accepting and appreciating myself as you do: your unique creation. Amen.
God, who gets invited to dinner at your place? How do we get on your guest list?
The rest of this psalm is a list in answer to these questions. Only a perfect person could live up to this list. My talk therapist is against the word "should," and suggests that I expect perfection from myself. Perfectionism is another lie of depression. You do not need to be perfect to live with joy. You know it's not even possible, but are you still expecting it of yourself? Are you punishing yourself by dwelling on what you should have done or worrying about what you should be doing? God is inviting you to dinner at his place; you are forgiven for your imperfections and loved for being his unique creation.
Lord, I expect perfection from myself; I see life as a series of rewards and punishments. Lead me to accepting and appreciating myself as you do: your unique creation. Amen.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Psalm 14:7
O that deliverance for Israel would come from Zion! When the Lord restores the fortunes of his people, Jacob will rejoice; Israel will be glad.
Is there anyone around to save Israel? Yes. God is around; God turns life around. Turned-around Jacob skips rope, turned-around Israel sings laughter.
When I get a throat infection, I get an antibiotic and I can predict when I'll feel better. The worst infection I've ever had kept me home from work for 5 days; most of my bouts have been shorter. Depression does not work like this. You may be recovering quickly or slowly, or maybe you're still searching for the best treatment. Cling to God and trust in God. Yes, even if your depression lingers. Even if you're frustrated in the recovery. Your deliverance is from God who turns life around.
Lord, help me cling to the words "rejoice" and "be glad" and to remember that they're about me. Help me to see your deliverance in my life, and the ways you are restoring me. Amen.
Is there anyone around to save Israel? Yes. God is around; God turns life around. Turned-around Jacob skips rope, turned-around Israel sings laughter.
When I get a throat infection, I get an antibiotic and I can predict when I'll feel better. The worst infection I've ever had kept me home from work for 5 days; most of my bouts have been shorter. Depression does not work like this. You may be recovering quickly or slowly, or maybe you're still searching for the best treatment. Cling to God and trust in God. Yes, even if your depression lingers. Even if you're frustrated in the recovery. Your deliverance is from God who turns life around.
Lord, help me cling to the words "rejoice" and "be glad" and to remember that they're about me. Help me to see your deliverance in my life, and the ways you are restoring me. Amen.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Psalm 13:1
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
Long enough, God- you've ignored me long enough. I've looked at the back of your head long enough. Long enough.
I tried to tell myself there is no God. Maybe because of the depression, I rejected that notion in favor of telling myself that God is ignoring me or punishing me. These are lies depression tells, but is that how we believe God works? No, God is with you. Every evening, at the suggestion of my friend, I write down the good things that happened that day. "I walked." "I ate." "I laughed." God has not forgotten you. God is not ignoring you. He is here, shining his face on you through the pain of depression. Write down the good things and thank God for them.
Lord, this disease makes me think everything is hopeless and that you are ignoring me. Lead me to recognize the good parts of each day and thank you for them. Help me fight this disease with thoughts of gratitude. Amen.
Long enough, God- you've ignored me long enough. I've looked at the back of your head long enough. Long enough.
I tried to tell myself there is no God. Maybe because of the depression, I rejected that notion in favor of telling myself that God is ignoring me or punishing me. These are lies depression tells, but is that how we believe God works? No, God is with you. Every evening, at the suggestion of my friend, I write down the good things that happened that day. "I walked." "I ate." "I laughed." God has not forgotten you. God is not ignoring you. He is here, shining his face on you through the pain of depression. Write down the good things and thank God for them.
Lord, this disease makes me think everything is hopeless and that you are ignoring me. Lead me to recognize the good parts of each day and thank you for them. Help me fight this disease with thoughts of gratitude. Amen.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Psalm 12:5
"Because the poor are despoiled, because the needy groan, I will now rise up," says the Lord; "I will place them in the safety for which they long."
Into the hovels of the poor, into the dark streets where the homeless groan, God speaks: "I've had enough; I'm on my way to heal the ache in the heart of the wretched."
Both versions use the word groan. Look at the first version: because you groan, God will place you in safety. It says to reveal your suffering to God and he will respond. I've had to remind myself that I don't know of any cases outside of the Bible where God intervened personally and directly. As I see it, God intervenes through the people around us. It's important to reveal your suffering to people you trust: a doctor, a therapist, your family, your friends. Let God do his work through these people. If you are alone in your depression, reach out. There is help.
Lord, guide me in reaching out to people for help. Lead me to people who are trustworthy and can place me in the safety I so desperately need. Open my heart to accepting the help you offer through the people around me. Amen.
Into the hovels of the poor, into the dark streets where the homeless groan, God speaks: "I've had enough; I'm on my way to heal the ache in the heart of the wretched."
Both versions use the word groan. Look at the first version: because you groan, God will place you in safety. It says to reveal your suffering to God and he will respond. I've had to remind myself that I don't know of any cases outside of the Bible where God intervened personally and directly. As I see it, God intervenes through the people around us. It's important to reveal your suffering to people you trust: a doctor, a therapist, your family, your friends. Let God do his work through these people. If you are alone in your depression, reach out. There is help.
Lord, guide me in reaching out to people for help. Lead me to people who are trustworthy and can place me in the safety I so desperately need. Open my heart to accepting the help you offer through the people around me. Amen.
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